Today I had a CT brain scan with the mask. I had been advised that the mask would shrink overnight and be tight….. though not quite as much as I experienced! As they tried to clamp the top to the bottom my upper teeth/jaw began to feel as though someone had retrieved my braces from adolescence! I called out to stop! They managed to remove it, heat it in one place, cool it and try again. Definitely not comfortable but was told it was a “great fit!” Not exactly consolation when your eyelids are pressed shut and you are drooling from the ‘bitewing’ that your teeth are pressed against!
Then came ‘the box.’ 
This is the gizmo that goes over the mask and is taped down, (see photo) and upon which all the radiation physicists will have applied their codes and precise markings on Tuesday. It is used to make sure that those 4 mm. of cancer will get perfectly zapped. (It will be removed for the zapping.) At this point I am advised that I will need to be perfectly still Tuesday for about an hour! WHOA! I had been told 30 minutes! With all the adjustments and placements of the mask and the box, I need to allow more time. I am beginning to think sweat…. then valium…then advised to definitely take one when leaving home and another, if needed, when I arrive. I asked if I might see the machine and was lucky to get a view and photo. 
It is exactly as was the video clip from yesterday, so here is the process for you to view… exactly as it will occur. All that beautiful scenery on the walls will not be visible to me, and hopefully not to my radiation team!
This is a whole new challenge. Being held down so rigidly is more taxing than I had imagined yesterday. If my mind is engaged at all it must be to focus on those 4 little millimeters being perfectly zapped. But between now and then I do not plan on thinking about it at all…. just working on another project which you will hear about soon. 😉
I know you will be with me next Tuesday at 5:30 pm. Unlimited gratitude to each of you!
Ann's Hummingbird
I cringed when I read this most recent post, Ann. First the too tight mask that must have shrunk more than expected and then the realization that you’d be holding still for such a long time. You are not only brave but also patient and very strong! I think I’d need more than a couple of Valium tablets……sledge hammer, maybe? I lead Centering Prayer every Tuesday. All gathered will be praying for you, dear Ann! Love, Maureen Jenkins
Dear Ann,
You are such a trooper! In so bravely sharing your experience, you are educating your friends about
formerly-unknown treatments. I pray that you will continue to endure these ordeals, and that God will
be with you through it all.
Thank you for sharing with your friends and for giving us the opportunity to hold you up in prayer.!
Love, Betty
Ann,
I’m inspired by your courage. May you continue to find that well of reserve that is beyond what you imagine. Blessings and prayers, Leah
I too am grateful for your willingness to open the door so that we who have never experienced the illness or the treatments that you are experiencing can share them with you in prayer, empathy, and imagination, and can also consider how we ourselves would want to respond to them. Please know of my — and our — ongoing prayers for you. I am thinking about what practices I might want to take up during the ordeal on Tuesday — e.g. tong-len, breathing in what is unpleasant and breathing out love to all who suffer; attending to the sensation of your back being supported, and praying with thanksgiving to God, our Rock and Shield; reciting a memorized passage of Scripture. Blessings, friend.
I am learning so many new things from you! We will definitely keep you in our thoughts on Tuesday.
Prayer, prayer and more prayers! CAN someone be with you in the room – I’m finished with VBS and will come ‘hold your hand’ if you’d like.
yikes. what a day. hope the next one will be unbelievably easier!
blessings,
a
O Ann. It looks really hard to take. But if it kills cancer cells, go for it. I think of you a lot.
Ann, you certainly will be in our thoughts and prayers as you undergo the treatment for your bain mass. Do you have the option of sound being included – from music to ocean waves or bird calls ? How about gentle ocean or mountain breezes? It’s hard to think of you being still, but know that you are craddled in love.
Phyllis