Monday, May 6:  The pulmonology appointment was apparently in error and I made an unnecessary trip.  It did give me time to fill the gas tank and ‘down’ an Ensure (they want some weight on me for good measure) and then off to my Peer Group meeting.  As spiritual directors we reflect on our calling by taking turns each month being the directee, all with the purpose of uncovering any personal ‘blocks’ that might stand in our way of listening to another. This is a collegial and warm small group where the hostess, a super cook, always has delicacies ready for us to feast on! She also has a deluxe Lazyboy which has been a godsend for me! It was a meaningful gathering as usual.  That same evening I suddenly developed a tickling cough that was difficult to stop. Especially when talking (no retorts, please!). Very annoying … but was glad that I now had a pulmonology appointment for Wednesday!
Chemo day:  Wondrous surprise: I was given Aloxi prior to the chemo which meant I would have no nausea for three days!  My biggest fear vanished!  Then twenty minutes of Alimta during which time Karen did my nails and we chatted, and then an hour of Carboplatin during which time I lounged in the recliner and listened to Beethoven’s “Emperor Concerto”  (ah, nirvana) … and finally began rereading Rachel Remen’s second book, My Grandfather’s Blessings. You may recall her first one: Kitchen Table Wisdom. I have used that one numerous times for quiet days and retreats; the stories are so meaningful for personal reflection.  I am discovering that I needed the sequel – right now.  I strongly recommend this book as one that adds delightful meaning to ‘blessing’ – from the origins in the Kabbalah as well as its stories that lift the spirit. (I’ll close with a quote from it.) The first chemo infusion seems to have gone quite smoothly; I was told that it was the easiest part of chemo! Back at the apartment I continued to feel good so Karen and I had dinner at the Fireside dining room where I had a good sized meal! Hallelujah! The various meds are working!
Today, I saw the pulmonologist. As always there is a spirometry test for lung function. Disappointing results as I have lost another large percentage. My normal is about 74 (with asthma and lobectomy), last month was in the 60s and today was 55. Concern. I knew that my breathing was becoming more shallow and labored after climbing stairs. At the Cathedral I mistakenly walked up to the nave from the crypt via stairs with the statue of Lincoln praying on his knees, and ended up sitting and huffing and puffing for almost three minutes. Lying down to sleep I’m aware that I can’t get into that alpha state as easily.  Thanks be to Ambien! My cough? Don’t know. It could be post-nasal drip for which I take medicine, or it could be that my pleural effusion has expanded from its former size of small. I’m able to control it somewhat through concentration or cough drop or mint, but it is annoying. Tomorrow I will have another CT scan of my lung to compare with the last (first) one on February 23. Less than three months and look where I am! I feel like this Darth Vader is on a galloping horse! Then I come back to Remen’s book as I was reading about blessings. I am grateful for so much and I am blessed.  I think my mantra will be:  I am thankful/ I am blessed.
Still no nausea and eating well. Come Friday I can take more anti-nausea meds if needed. That is also likely to  be my “low” day (afternoon) when the fatigue really begins to ‘hit.’ I’m hoping that the ‘hit’ won’t be incapacitating! I’m looking forward to my cousin Rocky and Lana coming down on Monday from Thurmont. And on Tuesday I see the oncologist again for a check on the chemo treatment. I’ll have four treatments – every third week. Karen has signed on to accompany me again. Fun opportunity to visit and we ‘covered the waterfront!’
No pictures this time. Just want to answer the many questions about how the chemo went. So far the chemo is minor and the lungs are major. Leg pain is minimal and under control but I admit to being weaker. Hoping to play some ‘light’ pickle ball though. Karen is coming tomorrow to give me another reflexology treatment…. it’s all about love.  🙂
Here are some words that had special meaning for me yesterday.
      “Those who bless and serve life find a place of belonging and strength, a refuge from living in ways that are meaningless and empty and lonely. Blessing life moves us closer to each other and closer to our authentic selves. When people are blessed they discover that their lives matter, that there is something in them worthy of blessing. And when you bless others, you may discover this same thing is true about yourself.
     We do not serve the weak or the broken. What we serve is the wholeness in each other and the wholeness in life. The part in you that I serve is the same part that is strengthened in me when I serve. …
     When we offer our blessings generously, the light in the world is strengthened, around us and in us.”       – Rachel Naomi Remen, My Grandfather’s Blessings