It’s been a number of days since I wrote and, as usual, a lot has been going on. Early Wednesday morning Mom called me in excruciating pain and said something needed to change. I called hospice and told them they had until noon to find a way to manage her pain. (My Mother Bear came out.) I drove out to Greenspring and met with the hospice nurse who had the idea that Mom’s pain could be best managed at the inpatient unit because there is always a nurse on duty and a doctor assigned to each patient. I was fully prepared (and a little scared) to hear Mom’s denial of that plan and SO pleased to hear her agree to go. She was at the Arlington hospice by noon and the nurse was working to address her pain immediately. Her assigned doctor followed in soon after. (Note to self and others: There is a time and place for Mother Bear’s appearance.) Coincidently, the hospice is less than five minutes from my house so that has been an added convenience! David arrived to help out and oversee Mom’s care on Wednesday evening. Mom did not want to be left alone so I took Thursday morning and David took Thursday afternoon, Thursday night, and all day on Friday while my family all took Kate down to UVA. I returned on Friday evening and took that night shift. David and I have both been here at the hospice night and day since then.
I would love to say that it was smooth ride from then on but it has been a rocky road. She has experienced bouts of break-thru pain in her spine and hips, coughing difficulties, anxiety, restlessness, and continued weakening of her physical body. The staff has been incredibly helpful and responsive and she does not seem to be in any pain now. The room she is in sounds a lot like a collection of coffee percolators with all the chest rattling going on. She no longer responds to anybody and “sleeps” all of the time. We wonder, somewhat existentially and/or scientifically, at the reasons for her prolonged suffering, knowing that there is no answer. We are aware of all of the conventional wisdom regarding dying and we also know that we aren’t the ones in control.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers,
Karen and David
Ann's Hummingbird
Karen ~ I am happy to ‘take a shift’ or two so that Ann is not left alone and so you can tend to the needs of your family. I live in McLean so not far from the Hospice.
703-356-1881
Call if I can help you in any way.
Love,
Maureen Jenkins RN
A hummingbird has been fluttering around my window all day – and I have been thinking of dear Ann as her spirit continues to hover, waiting to be even more fully at rest. She will alway be a bright and loving presence in so many of our hearts.
I have been blessed to be a part of a Shalem Circle with Ann and others for nearly 10 years. We will be placing hummingbird feeders in our gardens in honor of her loving spirit. (Thanks to Phil Stone for this beautiful idea.) The staff at Shalem – of which Ann has been a vital part of so many years – will be joining in this endeavor, planning red flowers or setting out hummingbird feeders each year as a reminder that Ann’s spirit will continue to visit. I thought that others might like to join us in this way of honoring our beloved Ann.
Karen and David, our prayers are with you as you love and honor your mother. May God’s peace be with you. Leah
In my thoughts and prayers. Ann has a peaceful and loving heart. May her suffering be short. I am thinking of her brilliant smile, that comforted me so often. She has a beautiful and devoted family.
Karen and David, It is good to know Ann is no longer experiencing such pain. Of course I am saddened the sleeps all the time. I know she knows you are with her and hope you will remind her for me of how loved she is by all of us who have been so blessed by her friendship and loving presence. Love, Susan
Keeping you lifted in prayer. “And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings … bear you on the breadth of dawn … make you to shine like the sun … and hold you in the palm of His hand.”
Glad that your Mom is now in caring hands w/Hospice, and that u and David can b w/her so she knows that her loved ones r near. May u b comforted by the Great Shepherd of the Sheep, our ultimate Cure Giver who heals us all one way or another. “If I take the ‘wings’ of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand will lead me and your right hand hold me fast.” ~ from Psalm 139~ I pray that your Mom will soon be released from anymore suffering… God bless… Jan
Why? … “How long, O Lord?”
… “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
… “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.”
—-
May all of you feel the sustaining Spirit, in the midst of the questioning and the crying and the agony, and into the mysterious confidence.
Ahhh…., Karen and David. As a nearby Arlington resident It would be a privilege to sit by your Mom. However, I leave in the AM for New Jersey to be with a sister who needs some assistance. On my drive tomorrow your family will be held in the Great Loving of this transition time. May you know the Hug of Love around you all.
I just read another blog where someone watching the suffering of his family member pondered the same “why this pain” questions. The wise Buddhist monk answered, ” because she was born”. You Mom would nod to that.
Praying and holding all in my heart. My husband, Bernard, is renovating and landscaping our backyard. As we are presently in the car driving to the beach while reading your message, I have asked him to place a hummingbird feeder in our yard. He says he will.
Sending you peace…
Therese
it was such a honor to be with Aunt Ann on Friday night. We did not need conversation only a few words, hand holding and our eyes to say I understand and it is okay. You are beautiful Aunt Ann and God loves you very much. We have to remind ourselves through all of this, it is an honor to experience this with her. We pray that Aunt Ann will have peace and for you Karen and David to have strength. Thank you letting me be part of this.
abiding love is coming your way for karen and david, all the kids, and for ann. such sweet sweet memories of her party last year when we were all able to affirm who ann has been in our lives. God, please take your sweet ann home, in your own good time. maybe she still has something else to teach us.
amen.
Sending love and prayers for you Karen and David…..and peace for our dear friend Ann. May God surround you all with love and warmth and peace.
Billie and Ed
There is a time/place to
be a Mother Bear
to move to Arlington Hospice
to wonder about suffering
to know that we are not “in charge”
to prepare for the next passage.
Sending prayers, love and Light,
Kit
i’ve also been more aware of how many hummingbirds have been around lately. i love the intention Leah mentioned and will join in that.
and join ya’ll in this sacred Waiting Room.
…with so much love.
lisa
David & Karen, Thanks for your update. The move to the hospice facility was a excellent decision. Prayers for you all.
My thoughts are never far from you–and humming birds are at my window.
My love to you both.
So glad to here that she is not in pain now. Our prayers are for her and her family.
Marilyn & Gene
I will continue to hold Ann, you and David in the prayer of my heart.
Thank you for keeping us informed, and for sharing your thoughts with all of Ann’s friends through the hummingbird.
Karen and David,
Please know I found your Mom a strong, unselfish, and helpful woman who helped me through a difficult time. I respected her wisdom and her comment that she didn’t rule anything out when we talked “beliefs”; she helped (helps) me to do my own thing….I, too, have experienced hummingbirds (more than I’ve seen at once) over the past several days…I will find her spirit with me now anytime I see one as I do with dragonflies and John