As many of you know, that is the title of workshops I have done with my Tibetan singing bowls. We appreciate both the sound and the silence, also noticing the space between the sounds. All is vibration, present at creation. That is what came to mind today while in the MRI for a good 45 minutes. Instead of the booms and ta-toms bothering me they seemed to form into nonsense syllables that became similar to a chant. Then a long series that had a short format and I found myself counting them, like I do breaths! Over 100, I do know that! Then the beauty and peacefulness of a little silence.  And back into a new rhythm. I was not analyzing anything or attempting to distract myself; I just seemed to go with each next cycle, whatever it presented. What an enormous variety of combinations of sounds and rhythms! No, I didn’t hear any bowls, nor did I even think about them. I suppose I was in the moment, occasionally hearing the voice from silence that told me how many more minutes in the next cycle. Then it was over.
Here is what happened outside the tube. I was not taken for over an hour due to the breakdown of one of the scanners. By then my valium was of little value and a second one would not have time to take effect. The room this time was exceedingly cold and the air across my face could not be turned off. The blankets were not warm as last time either. The contrast ran cold through my vein during the last part. There was no mirror as last time either and yet I felt held and somehow ‘open’ to the two lights on either side of my hips, thinking that they might be windows into the room. Spirit Windows? I do not try to minimize the discomfort of being cold with blowing air, but it was all just something to be endured and to ‘be with’ as there were no realistic alternatives!
From there move to my next appointment. Due to the excessive delay Karen and I had to move quickly to the hospital for the mask-making as we were already late. That meant no valium would be helpful since the procedure only takes 30 minutes! They moved quickly and were incredibly kind and understanding. First the molding of the back of my head with plastic and mesh against what’s left of my thin hair. The procedure was very much “in your face” (haha!) with a multi-strip face outline, a nose piece, a mouthpiece, and the overall “mesh-mash” (my term!) covering my eyes as well, that was actually more than warm … hot. It cools down and then I get to lie there for 15 minutes while it hardens. All of a sudden – with a minute or two left, I let out a big sneeze! Fortunately the mask was dry. They took some pictures and showed me the two pieces – which I get to keep when all this is over!!  I can’t say that I was “comfortable” with all that paraphernalia holding me in and down, but I experienced no panic or anxiety.  It will be a challenge next Tuesday when the radiation session will have another box around my head as well (!) and take 40 minutes! But I am definitely heartened by my experience today and thank all of you who sent and felt support.
My Summit house neighbor sent another video clip that more closely approximates what I had done today. However, the machine that is pictured is not the kind that will be used for my radiation next week.  Tomorrow, Wednesday,  I must wear the mask for a CT brain scan (short time but it will have shrunk a bit and be tighter!) so they can get the radiation physicists to plot and plan the angles and scopes with the MRI taken today. Such technology!
“All shall be well” says Julian….
it turns out that I didn’t need the valium after all.
“And all was indeed well!”