This afternoon Karen and I met with the radiation oncologist who very carefully explained the procedure that has been suggested. It would zap the 4mm nodule in a very limited and precise manner.
Choices:
1- Wait a couple months to see if it has changed via MRI. (I had elected to have a CT scan in April – declining the MRI! – so no way to compare now.)
2- It is possible that in a couple of months there would be more such nodules. Like a dandelion field many more little flowers could crop up! If many, it would be impractical but if only a few, then wise. However, no way to know!
3- Go ahead and do the procedure on this very small mass now and hope that no more arise. (I asked what he would advise his wife if in my situation (!) and he said the last one… take chance of no more.)
The four stages of the procedure:
1) Another MRI to focus more clearly on that 4mm monster. Yes, another brain MRI.
2) An appointment to make a mold of my head, which must be kept totally still.
For your information and imagination (and lots of courage) here is what it is like: At least as close a pic as I can find on the web. It is a mesh that is molded on my face – very tight. I can’t wait for the experience 🙁
3) An appointment to get a CT scan with the mask on.
4) The actual “targeted radiation” (sometimes called stereotactic radiation, cyberknife, gamma knife, etc.) where I must lie with the mask on for 30 min. of treatment. They line up the CT scan and the MRI image so that the 4mm area is perfectly zonked. There is only one treatment. No side effects.
Regardless of what I choose I must return for an MRI of the brain every two months to check on the presence and size of any possible cancers. Oh, joy. Have you counted the number of cages/masks I’ll get to experience?! But I have chosen to go ahead with the procedure and do what is possible for now. I am also aware of a new spiritual discipline that has dropped in my lap (or on my head!) – learning to tolerate things that are ‘in my face.’ My original fear came from having an ether mask put on me for three surgeries as a child and then the fourth time, at age eleven, having a nurse force it on my face without telling me, leaving me screaming for my mother and with nightmares. So please be with me as I attempt to deal with all these masks and cages, even perhaps without some minor sedation. | was able to partially overcome it last week so am hopeful that I can focus my attention on the spaciousness of the unseen that resides in my memory and positive impressions.
All the above will take place in about two weeks (after my 4th chemo next week, its 3 day reprieve, its 4 day whammy, and the recovery). It will all be done in about a week and a half. Chemo at that point will probably be down to a maintenance dose of the Alimta which has minimal side effects. I’m hoping to feel well enough to visit David’s family in Ashfield, MA in August. Something relaxing to look forward to!
P.S. Yes, I DID go to the Annual Organ Concert at the Cathedral! Two pickleball friends offered to take me and another friend came too! It was a real celebration of the 4th with organ (even duets), piano, symphonic orchestra, and the Navy Sea Chanters. Scott Joplin, George Gershwin, Aaron Copland, John Philip Sousa, Rachmaninoff, etc. all meshed into a super program….and the cathedral was packed! We arrived in time to wander through the Bishop’s Garden and still get prime seats! I’ve wanted to go for years – and this year was IT!! Hope you all had a happy 4th too.
Ann's Hummingbird
Bless your Heart! So much take to in/decide. I’m sure it takes a lot of courage and faith to figure it all out. Praying for “wisdom” and good Intuition and lots of faith… I, too, had a bad experience re ether when I had my tonsils out at 6 y/o… yikes… the things they can do to/for you… May God grant you the courage and relaxtion u need to go thru whatever u need to do to keep going… <3
Your procedures almost seem as though “Star Trek” technology is not far off!
But the old reliables of such fantastic music still hold restorative power.
BTW, when I had my tonsils removed at perhaps age 4 or 5, they told me I kicked the nurse. Nothing personal, of course! But we all have our ways of protesting and surviving, thank God!
Thank you, Ann, for the update. Continued love and prayers as you venture forth through these treatments. How delightful that you made it to the Cathedral for their spectacular offerings on July 4th! Bill and I stayed home because he was exhausted after spending July 3 and most of the 4th in the cardiac obsservation unit at Fairfax Hospital. His chest pain was not serious. He’ll have a stress test as an outpatient next week. I am deeply grateful to God that we’ll be together a while longer!! Blessings to you, dear Ann!
when you’re being very still inside your mask you can go back to the cathedral concert in your mind. you won’t make it through even half of the music before the procedure is done. (and i see nothing wrong with taking the chillaxing meds they may offer before the procedure.)
sending good energy your way even as i type.
blessings,
a
Ann, I don’t know who your friend “a” is but I think she or he has marvelous thoughts for you!
So much to take in but you are moving through it well. (I always like the idea of asking the doctor what he would do if it was his family member!) Prayers continue….
I am praying with you, Ann. Yes, that vast space is always within you. How wonderful if facing the challenge of this particular treatment not only brings you physical healing, but also allows those early memories to be healed. My prayers are with you.
My heart and prayers are with you…
It sounds as if your doctors are determined to lick this thing! I think you made the right decision. I’ll be thinking of you.
Dearest Ann,
Glad to hear you made a decision that feels right for you.
The Divine spaciousness is within you and I believe the Divine is always delighted for you to visit and float within that spaciousness…..hearing Cathedral concerts & other sounds or silence.
I have had the experience of something showing up on an MRI and then it was no longer there four months later on a follow-up MRI.
I have a fun Independence Day photo I want to share with you. As I don’t know how to attach a photo here I’ll send it via a regular email to your email.
We are so blessed to have a system of peaceful transitions from one elected leader to another.
Love,
Kit