I am continuing to perk along, still playing pickleball and a little tennis, though a bit more winded.  One Tylenol twice a day keeps me pretty pain-free — so far. Doc says I have good air movement through my lungs and heart sounds fine. Conditions to be aware of are increased pain, shortness of breath, and unintended weight loss/loss of appetite/weakness. Not surprisingly the oncologist recommends that I have chemo. It is supposedly helpful with reducing cancer symptoms. Options are to do nothing or to try chemotherapy – either one drug or two. (Alimpta alone or with Carboplatin). Chemo buys 3-6 months on average. My quality of life depends on lots of variables. I don’t tolerate nausea well at all (chemo), or bone pain (no chemo) which deprives me of sleep. Give or take, I suppose. “Plus” here, “minus” there. Lots of discernment issues going on.
The tentative plan is that I lead the retreat next weekend as well as the Cathedral Crossroads event with my singing bowls on the 30th. After that I will attend a chemotherapy teaching session and schedule the implantation of a port.  In the meantime Karen and I will confer about the chemo. She has been invaluable as my amazing note-taker! I have no idea how we could have a sensible conversation otherwise – so much to take in. As you might expect, I asked lots of questions as it is important that I prioritize my time – before I don’t have that option.  😉
A new book I was given  (Holy Vulnerability: A Spiritual Path for Those with Cancer  by Donna Shaper) talks about “the passage from control to compassion.”  Control? Me?! Okay, I’m growing more and more aware of how few choices I really have. I’m beginning to learn that saying ‘No’ is necessary sometimes, and no longer a choice.
With the advent of some exquisite spring weather last week – ah, those cherry blossoms, here so few days – and now the soft light green opening of leaves that is my favorite spring sight. My four azaleas are very close to opening and dogwood trees in the area are in bloom. The birds are twittering away and a robin seems determined to build a nest up on my patio light … no luck, I had a friend attach a tennis ball up there (they won’t build a nest on anything round, I was told!). Not that I don’t like the baby birds, but mommy was littering the entrance to my apartment with her twigs and grasses! Which brings me to my closing thought on birds …. something I ‘happened upon’ back in 2003 when I took the QE 2 to England with my childhood friend. It was to celebrate the five year anniversary of my first lung cancer, the 50th anniversary of my exchange year from W&M to U.of Exeter, and an opportunity to visit about a half dozen British friends. On the way from Southampton to London the train made a stop in Worcester. Naturally I wanted to see the cathedral. Ever checking out book nooks… I felt fortunate to see a little card with the message below. The subject for me is HOPE. I am not without hope, despite the numbers. And prayer can be a fleeting thought … or object … like the Kingfisher!

DISCLOSURE

PRAYER is like watching for the
Kingfisher.  All you can do is
Be where he is likely to appear, and
 Wait.
Often, nothing much happens;
There is space, silence and
  Expectancy.
No visible sign, only the
Knowledge that he’s been there,

  And may come again.

Seeing or not seeing cease to matter;
You have been prepared.
But sometimes,
when you’ve almost
Stopped expecting it,
A flash of brightness

                                   Gives encouragement.          (no author cited)

     With all your comments, replies, phone calls, e-mails and encounters, you provide me with a treasured gift.
I cherish each kind thought/prayer/positive image …
and, yes, even humor.  You know me …. I laugh lots….
along with trying to be attentive to the Holy – which is – everywhere!
(Significance of the hummingbird – coming up soon!)